Thursday, August 29, 2002

Hmm..time for an update! Class was cool today. The instructor showed up, so that was a plus :). Had a cool discussion...Um... oh yay, my parents are going out of town Saturday and they're not dragging me along with them, so I get to spend a LOT of time with a special guy, hopefully :). I think it's about time for me to organize up my mp3s a bit. Oh, a buddy introduced me to the music of Klaus Nomi...that's some pretty cool stuff... ugh..I'm really fucking boring today...oh yeah.. MY PUSSY IS BURNING!

Spewed forth by John at 7:09:00 PM

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

Oh okay..so I go to class today..first day of the Lit class I'm taking (Survey of Amer Lit) and the professor doesn't show up. Not only that, Mary Ann was nowhere to be found (okay..that was a little joke). Anyway, so I'm paying this money for this class and the teach gets to skip. We got the syllabus though...and just so you know, if you miss 5 classes, you have to drop...well...missing the first day isn't a good frickin start! Oh, and then, I find out that the bookstore sold me the wrong book, so I had to go and get the correct one. Hmm...I wish in my entire life that my frustration level would never get higher than this...but unfortunately, having written this, it's bound to only get worse.

Spewed forth by John at 11:00:00 AM

Monday, August 26, 2002

Oh, yeah...before I forget any more of it, I had a dream last night. I was married to a woman and we both had cell phones. Then, for some reason, I looked in her purse and she had like 3 more cell phones in there. So I divorced her because she was cheating on me. I think this stems probably from basic insecurities.

Spewed forth by John at 5:45:00 PM

Hmm...not too much happened for the rest of the weekend... Had a great chat with a nice guy last night, so that was cool.
Had the first day of classes today. That went pretty well. The two classes I had today (College Algebra and Intro to Computers) are gonna be breezes, so that's cool. I noticed, however, that I've kinda rethought my definition of attractiveness. There were a lot of guys that would have been considered very attractive and even some that would be gorgeous...I don't think I particularly subscribe to the mainstream concepts of beauty any longer. I can definitely tell when someone is good looking, and when they would be appealing to the masses, but I don't count myself as one of the masses any longer. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, actually. I really enjoy being an individual and somewhat unique (lol, I'm not egotistic enough to think that I'm special or anything), but sometimes I have to wonder at the different things I like that are so not the norm. Ugh and being gay on top of that too...it's enough to just make me become celibate...or join the clergy..they get lots of action....Oh, and I could sure use some Red Hot Catholic Love right about now :)

Spewed forth by John at 2:32:00 PM

Saturday, August 24, 2002

Alright...hmm... I went out last night with the guy I've been seeing... Whoo hoo..it was great. We stopped by coffee for a bit and said hi to the guys there. All in all it was super terriffic. Hmm... I don't know if I had any dreams last night. But I was happy enough :).
In other news, one of my friends is nervous right now. He's a really great guy, but I gather he's been through some tough times... Hmmm... *hugs* if you read this..you know who you are.
Okay...that's all for now. Bye

Spewed forth by John at 3:04:00 PM

Thursday, August 22, 2002

Right now I'm really sad and kinda upset. First, let me express that I am not perfect. I am far from perfect, in fact. One of my friends is really down right now. I'm concerned about him. I wish that there was something that I could do for him other than express my concern for him.

Spewed forth by John at 10:24:00 PM

Wednesday, August 21, 2002

Hmm...I had 2 dreams that I remember last night. The first one was an erotic dream, so I won't go into the details, but I did wake up and I was "doing the deed" so to speak. The second dream was later. It was the first day of class and one of my classes was a musical "Young Goodman Brown." I've never read the story. I had brought my guitar (I don't really have one), but I didn't know how to play it. I was late because I got results from the doctor. I think the results said I didn't have arthritis. Anyway, it didn't matter that I was late because the teacher was late, too. It was in a somewhat familiar library setting. Then all of the other students except for one girl went somewhere. There was one other person in the library at the time. Then something funny with time happened. It's really hard to explain. It's like I was stuck at one momnet, but I was aware that other things were happening. Then the other person in the library (not the fellow student) turned into a dog type monster. Somehow I was able to transport myself and the fellow student into space. Then somehow she brought us back, but I don't know to where. That's all I can remember about the dream.
I had a conversation with a friend last night and we discussed issues about trusting people and being taken advantage of. I am really glad that I do trust ppl, even though I know I am taken advantage of sometimes and hurt sometimes. It's just not worth living life if you can't trust anyone.

Spewed forth by John at 5:01:00 PM

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Oh gah...I had a dream that Larry Tate was trying to get me a job in a clothing store as an administrative assistant to the big boss. Then I I had to go get "Guardia Eduardo" from the cowboy clothing section cuz his wife was up front. His wife was like 45 and he was like 18. For some reason I didn't have anywhere to sleep, so I went to their house. She told me about a phobia that the guy had about anyone seeing their bedroom. Then the fucking phone rang with a marketing offer and woke me up. Damn telemarketers.

Spewed forth by John at 9:32:00 AM

Monday, August 19, 2002

Hmm..I just woke up and I had some weird dreams last night. I had a dream where I was trying to get a hold of my friend from Amex, Linda. Only instead of looking for Linda Moralez, I was looking for Linda Hamilton (you know, the terminator lady). Oh, I kept writing her name in chalk dust....that was odd, too. The other dream I remember was that I was in a military training school, kinda like West Point, I guess. We were participating in war games and I wasn't following orders at all. My gun had live ammo in it and I was killing my friends. I was "killed" in the games and I was told that my military career would be as a grunt..on the front lines and as cannon fodder. This made me depressed and suicidal in the dream. They didn't know what to do with me. I didn't commit suicide, but I was remote and I wouldn't talk to anyone. They were more worried about me in my dream than I think some ppl are about me in real life.
Oh well...Gonna go get ready. Another therapy session today.

Spewed forth by John at 8:19:00 AM

Hmmm....just got home a few hours ago from a trip to Austin. Number 1...I REALLY hate Luby's food. Okay...I'm glad that's out of my system. Umm..we did pretty good at the show...I had to move furniture around..that's never fun. No real highlights from the weekend. I guess I'm boring like that.
However, I did get to talk to the guy I like after I came in. :) I guess that was the high point of my weekend. Some may call me pathetic, but to them I just say *pbftttt*. I get the feeling he likes me too, so that's a plus. Yay...and we're going out on Wednesday. Umm...I guess that's about it for now. I'll write some more later...when I'm not so tired and stuff.

Spewed forth by John at 12:36:00 AM

Thursday, August 15, 2002

Ehh...the weather's been off and on heavy rain just about all day. I wish I had someone to cuddle with.
[sigh]
I had an MRI done on my arm today. If you've never had one of those done, I really don't recommend it. I had to lay on my stomach, my left arm straight out, my right arm under my right leg, and my head was on a pillow next to the contraption my arm was in. I was like that for 30 to 45 mins. And the noise was awful. Ugh...I hope I never have to do one of those again. On the plus side, I think the operator was checking me out. He wasn't bad looking, either.

I had a conversation with a real freak yesterday. He started out by asking if I was mad over and over and over. Then finally he said that he would be if he looked like me. [sigh] I then had to tell him the facts of life. The part where I know I'm ugly and I know how to deal with it...but bitches like her who have an awful personality can get laid all they want, but when they start getting older, no one will want them and they'll be a bitter old queen. "Sometimes life has a funny way of helping you out"

Spewed forth by John at 11:42:00 AM

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

I'M 88% X-rated. HOW HORNY ARE YOU?

Oh shit...I didn't know I was that bad!

Spewed forth by John at 12:07:00 PM

I am 55% Internet Addict

I am pretty addicted, but there is hope. I think I'm just well connected to the internet and technology, but it's really a start of a drug-like addiction. I must act now! Unplug this computer!

Take the Internet Addict Test at fuali.com

Hmm..only 55%? I think that's too low...and if you know where that pic comes from, let me know...I do :)

Spewed forth by John at 11:56:00 AM

Monday, August 12, 2002

Hmm...update...drama has passed...and I breathe a sigh of relief. Not much going on. Went to the doctor again today and this time the therapy didn't totally remove all the strength from my arm. Ummm... going back tomorrow for an MRI on my arm :( . I think that's about it that's going on about now. Oh, here's a cool link to a page. See if you can see what's wrong with the picture.

Spewed forth by John at 7:54:00 PM

Sunday, August 11, 2002

Hmm...I just found a site that lets you listen to what webpages sound like. The link is here. Not ver surprisingly, this page sounds boring and depressing. Which, believe it or not, is exactly how I feel. Why the hell am I so fucking stupid?

Spewed forth by John at 3:09:00 PM

Saturday, August 10, 2002

Okay...Now I feel like the world's biggest asshole. But I've found it's usually better for people to think that. Details: There's this guy that really likes me, that I don't return the feelings. He knows this. I kinda led him on previously, but I've let him know. Anyway, he took me to coffee last night and was hanging all over me. I didn't want to say anything to him there because it would have embarassed him. Then we went to a bar and I was kinda all over another guy in front of him and a group of guys. Then I ended up leaving with that guy. So that really hurt his feelings, and I totally understand why. So when I saw him online this afternoon, he was rude to me (totally forgivable), so I fired off a nasty email to him.
[sigh]
Sometimes I don't hate being gay, I hate being a human being.

Spewed forth by John at 10:39:00 PM

You know, like I said, sometimes I'm proud to be gay and sometimes I'm fucking sick of it. Well, earlier I was feeling pretty good about it. Now, however, I'm just sick of gay people in general. If they're not being clingy (and I'm god damned guilty of that sometimes), they're creating drama. More often than not, they're doing both. And please, if I'm friends with someone, that's exactly what that means...FRIENDS. You don't get no bullshit from me. Now that I think back, I was probably a lot happier not having gay friends, because it seems that when you're friends with someone, they always seem to expect something out of it. That's a really fucked up way to live, and to think. God damn, I'm not that conceited to think that my company and personality are so stunning that people should just be glad to be around me, but unfortunately, that's how friendship works. You enjoy being around someone *because* of their personality. Some fags should really get a fucking clue.

Spewed forth by John at 3:42:00 PM

Hmm...I've come to realize that there are basically two types of people in the world. There are the idealists and the realists. It's probably not great to classify all people like that, but oh well. Hmm...went to coffee with a bunch of guys from the chat room last night...that was cool..finally got to put some faces with the ppl I talk with. I also met a guy :). Umm..that's all for now.

Spewed forth by John at 1:34:00 PM

Friday, August 09, 2002

[sigh]
Haven't updated in a bit. I was having a discussion with a friend last night. One interesting thing I said that didn't surprise me at all was "Sometimes I'm happy to be gay, proud even...then there's the times I'm so sick of it" Yup...this is one of those times. I can't shake the feeling that no matter what I do, I'm going to turn out to be a bad person. I hurt a friend's feelings and I feel so bad about that. I also found out a guy I was (note the past tense there) interested in is not ready for a relationship again yet. Let's see...what else...umm..oh ugh
Went to the doctor's today for one of those electric massage therapy (you've seen the infomercials) treatments on my left arm. Now I have absolutely no strength and just typing is a bitch and a half.
Discovered Shonen Knife and subsequently Morning Musume and Puffy Ami Yumi...some of the lyrics are jap, so I don't understand some of it, but it's all coolio.
Oh..I got a car finally... a blue 95 Dodge Intrepid. It's pretty cool...Umm..I'm going out tonight for coffee and some of the bars...I guess that's about it for now.

Spewed forth by John at 3:25:00 PM

Monday, August 05, 2002

I went out for dinner and a movie last night. I saw that movie "Signs." It's not too bad. As I say, it was worth seeing once. It had a few scary parts. Then my date and I went to JR's and The Ripcord. And I got to meet some of the crowd from the gay.com chatroom. That was a bit of fun...the guys I met all seem pretty nice. :)
Freakin super weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was in a club/bar atmosphere (wonder where I got that from)...anyway, I was much better looking than I really am. I started doing pull-ups and this really cute guy came up to me and started doing pull-ups on me. So I was doing pull-ups at the same time. Anyway, he gave me his phone number, but I remember it was a 512 (Austin) area code. Damn. Can't even meet local guys in my dreams.
This is actually some encouragement for me to lose some more weight and to get into better shape, though. I'm so glad I didn't dream about "Signs!"

Spewed forth by John at 7:53:00 AM

Thursday, August 01, 2002

Hmm...Not too much going on....we went out looking for some cars today. I'm pretty sure we're gonna buy tomorrow. It's narrowed down between a 1993 White Merc Sable for $1900 with 102K miles...it looks pretty nice and a 1997 Silver Merc Sable for $5000 with 70K miles. That one's cool too. I have a date for Saturday! Yay!

It seems like my previous interest wasn't gonna work out...I don't think he was interested. Oh well...I guess we'll be friends, though.

Ooohh..I "discovered" Reel Big Fish last night...they're pretty awesome. I think that's about it....umm..no one comments on anything...either that means no one has an opinion, or no one reads this damn blog (a distinct possibility).

Spewed forth by John at 10:56:00 PM