Sunday, April 27, 2003

Last night Matt took me to Outback as part of my birthday gift. While there, I made an astounding discovery. I told Matt that he should take like 4 loaves of the bread they give you home and plant them in his garden. I told him that he wouldn't have to worry about birds because they dig for worms, not bread. Well, he thought he had me there...he really should have known better. Just look at the situation...you're a bird and you happen to be digging for worms. You find some bread, buried in the ground. You're like "what the fuck?!?" Birds won't realize that it's food because it's in the ground and it's not a worm. Remember, birds aren't the smartest of animals, that's why calling someone a "bird brain" is worse than calling them a tard.
So, I have to run to the store now, we're out of bread.

Spewed forth by John at 6:03:00 PM

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Yesterday I ate a barbequed chicken breast. It was one of the boneless, skinless variety. After I pulled it out of the microwave, it vaguely resembled a human heart. It had at the top where the aorta is and everything. It didn't stop me from eating it though. I was hungry.

Spewed forth by John at 6:43:00 PM

Monday, April 21, 2003

Hmm..I watched The Ring last night just before going to bed. I don't think I had any disturbing dreams, but I did have a dream where I could read and translate Latin by sight. At least I think it was Latin. Anyway, I was researching about different cultures in history and similarities between the ten commandments (not the movie). Turns out some of them had commandment number 6 as their number one...or the other way around, I don't really remember.

Spewed forth by John at 9:08:00 AM

Monday, April 14, 2003

I had a dream last night where there were boars and wolves in my back yard. They were cooperating, and I knew I had to take them down one by one. Somehow I got on top of fence and I tricked most of the wolves to go to the other side. Then I jumped onto a black wolf's back and forced her to get over to the back door. This was after I almost killed a boar. I think I was hungry. Another dream I had last night involved an Orchestra class. We had a substitute teacher (how you can have a sub for orch, I don't know). Instead of playing an instrument because I suck at it in my dreams, much like in real life, I got to tell jokes. I got a good grade for that.

Spewed forth by John at 7:46:00 AM

Friday, April 11, 2003

Today I am old.

Spewed forth by John at 11:01:00 AM

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

You know, sometimes I wish that fantasy movies weren't so popular. Take the movie Legend. Lily throws a ring into the water and proclaims that she will marry the man who brings the ring back to her. All these movies do is set romantic ideals that will never be fulfilled. In the same vein, Backstreet Boys and N'Sync contribute to domestic violence. You see, girls want the boys they see on MTV, so they hold out and hold out for the "perfect guy." They settle for a guy that seems like the one for them...but no, there's something wrong...he's not perfect. So she waits some more. She hears not only the ticking of her biological clock, but the tolling of the clock tower deep in her innards...one, two, three...eleven times it chimes. Each one a nail in the coffin. Desparately, her time running out faster than Cinderella's, her slipper left on the stairs, she once again settles for whatever she can get, her dreams dashed to the floor. Her mate, if he is sure of his hold on the new hausfrau, which he should be, is free to exert his will on her as he sees fit. Hmm...okay, I guess that's about it...


You are Evil Lily, one who was seduced by Darkness
and put under a spell, but was able to save the
Unicorn by double crossing Darkness.


What Legend Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Spewed forth by John at 3:05:00 PM

Sunday, April 06, 2003

I should be shot. It has been absolutely forever since my last update. Last night I was in an accident (yes, another one). I was on I 10 and I hit a slick spot in the road cuz it was kinda misty out. So I started to lose control of my car. For all of you that have never had it happen, you say "oh, that would never happen to me, I can keep control of the car." I know...cuz that's what I thought. But no, when the wheels start skidding, you're NOT in control of the car. So I pulled over and I was in the emergency lane taking a breather. I had the flashing hazard lights on. Then I look up and I see a sideways truck coming toward me. This, take my word for it, is something you absolutely NEVER want to see in your mirror. It's a bad thing. I put the car back into drive and floored it. Too bad I wasn't faster, or the truck wasn't skidding more slowly. He hit the back of my car and screwed up the bumper and dented the hell out of the rear panel on the passenger side. So the other guy pulls over to the other side of the road, then turns off his lights and takes off. I'm like WTF? So I try following him a bit, but I lose him. I called the cops and the insurance company. My life sucks.
On a bit of a brighter note, I had the locker room dream again a few nights ago. :)

Spewed forth by John at 11:24:00 PM